"I have broken up with him more times than i can count."
|Wrapped around their little finger....|
More often than not I have come to the realization that many people argues, fuss and threaten to leave because there isn't a sense of equality in the relationship.
Threatening to leave implies that the threatener feels they have a hold on the one who is to be left and the threats are done to induce behaviour favorable to the leaver.
It is emotional blackmail.
Unfortunately the masters of this art do not come dressed in an elaborate evil villainous outfit with a roaring laughter to match. They are you average Joes or plain Sallys. What is even sadder still is that these people may be unaware of the hideous trait and will torment people who care for them into uncaring.
Psychologists say that emotional blackmailers cause 'FOG' in a relationship to get to their unknowing victims.
When you are "in love", the one thing you do is open up with your new partner, your fears, hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, some people will use that information against you to serve their purposes. One of the biggest fears people have is to be viewed as 'failures'. For many African girls, being unable to find a husband by a certain age is a real fear, though they may not be honest about it.When they then open up about it, a man can take advantage by dangling the prospects of it and threaten not to give it if she does not comply to his demands. On the other hand, a number men have the fear of being
One of the most painful parts of emotional blackmail is that it violates the trust that has allowed us to reveal ourselves.
Often our ideas about duty and obligation are reasonable, and they form an ethical and moral foundation for our lives. Sometimes these are out of balance. Blackmailers never hesitate to put our sense of obligation to the test. Reluctance to break up a family keeps many people in relationships that have gone sour. Most of us have a terrible time defining our boundaries when our sense of obligation is stronger than our sense of self-respect and self-caring; blackmailers quickly learn to take advantage.
Guilt is an essential part of being a feeling, responsible person. It's a tool of conscience, in its distorted form, registers discomfort and self-reproach if we've done something to violate our personal or social code of ethics. One of the fastest ways for blackmailers to create undeserved guilt is to use blame, actively attributing whatever upset or problems they're having to their targets. Once blackmailers see that their target's guilt can serve them, time becomes irrelevant. There is no statute of limitations.
What does it do to a relationship?
Drama comes in a variety of ways;
Displays of jealousy anytime someone whom the partner may feel is more attractive,intelligent, confident or even just nicer than them befriends their person. This is where the problem begins. In as much as you begin to "belong" to a person and they "belong" to you in a relationship, it is imperative to know that they are NOT your possession.
A human being does not just have a single relationship and in my opinion it would be very unhealthy to just have a single relationship (as a number of horror or criminal drama movies have shown). So to expect that your partner should have you and only you in their life is absolutely selfish,unfair and to a great extent a sign of insanity.
Have reasonable expectations from your loved one and also be a little less selfish.
Once in a while (not too long of a while) ask:
Hopefully we have less drama and more love in this world....
Til Next time!!